It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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