well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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