you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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