i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
