I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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