I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
