If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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