Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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