I wish i was in the wii world.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
