Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
