you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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