the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
