I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
