I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
