Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
