I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
