We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
