tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
