my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
