I want to walk on stilts...naked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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