They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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