I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
