i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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