When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
