Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
