She's JV to your varsity
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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