That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
