omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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