I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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