is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
