I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
