I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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