he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
