if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
