Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
