We should be called the Road Head Warriors
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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