Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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