You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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