some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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