I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
