On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
