it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
