i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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