Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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