Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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