why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
