Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
whose parrot is this?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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