just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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