Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
