why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
