he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
