you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
