just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
