You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
