if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
