I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
